One rainy day I glimpsed a rainbow in my rearview mirror. And while I don’t recommend taking your eyes off your destination for long, a quick review of where you’ve been in such circumstances can be an encouraging reminder of three fabulous truths.
A rainbow in your rearview means:
• the storm and its difficulties are behind you. You have survived it. Be grateful, and leave those troubles in the past.
• you are facing the sun and its clearing skies. You are entering a change in your state of affairs. Be grateful, and embrace the future.
• there are still beautiful wonders in this beleaguered, woeful world. Be grateful, and enjoy the present.
The mental ability to visualize objects in three-dimensional space, and to imagine them from different perspectives, is a sign of spatial intelligence. This mode of thinking helps explain how our son could never get lost, even in wilderness; and, seemingly without effort, offer up fresh perspectives and solutions on vexing problems. One of his work-related computer programs developed a concise and elegant solution to what had previously been a complex geometrical quandary.
A very practical application of this visualization gift showed up when he was just eight years old. At a family reunion picnic, he most-closely guessed the number of Hershey’s Kisses® in two different sized jars, and won them both!
Our book, Stepping Stones: our pathfinding adventure with Asperger’stinyurl.com/4c6bxw4s recounts our son’s troubles and triumphs at home, school, and work, and how he has learned to cope and overcome. Find out how the journey is everything.
Our son, who has autism spectrum disorder (ASD), was often an inadvertent contributor to his problems by his lack of social savvy—but not always. Bullies can rise up anywhere and everywhere. And at any age. (Apparently, bullies never grow up.) They may even take the more insidious and impersonal form of institutional and systemic bias.
Children with physical, developmental, intellectual, emotional, and sensory disabilities often seem to have a prominent “Kick Me” sign on their backs, a seemingly irresistible target for the bullying mindset. Try as our son might to blend in or stay unnoticed, his “marching to a different drummer” routine attracted attention—especially from those kids who judged him ripe for their mocking, harassing, teasing, taunting, badgering, and bullying.
Often, bullies’ exploitive route is through their victims’ lack of peer support. Having friends can prevent and protect against bullying. But children with special needs often fail to make friends, and may have difficulty getting around, trouble communicating and navigating social interactions, or display signs of vulnerability and emotional distress. All of these challenges mark them as “different,” and increase their risk of aggression from bullies.
Stepping Stones: our pathfinding adventure with Asperger’s introduces the concepts required to continue organizational change. And to all parents and caregivers of children with ASD, this true tale offers pragmatic guidance, self-help encouragement, and real reason for hope. tinyurl.com/4c6bxw4s
“One of the exceptional gifts of Asperger’s Syndrome is the ability to perceive an issue from a unique perspective, which can lead to fresh or surprising solutions.” – from Stepping Stones: our pathfinding adventure with Asperger’s.
Despite some very rough times growing up, when our son’s autism spectrum disorder (ASD) hindered his social development, that same gift later enabled his success as a research engineer with a Master’s in physics.
Stepping Stones is the story of the paths we carved while raising a child on the high functioning sliver of the autism spectrum. We offer it as a trail guide of hope for all parents and caregivers of children with ASD.
We are offering a free ebook copy (pdf or epub) to all who leave a message of “book” with an email address. (See contact page.) All we ask is that you provide an honest review on Amazon when finished reading it. We wish all the best in their daily challenges!
The image shown comes from the book’s back cover. It was created by our son by plotting the solutions of millions of polynomial equations on the complex plane, and stacking and colorizing the result.
Supportive relationships bring vitality to reality. We are very grateful to our friends and family who have stood by us during some of our most challenging times. This year, we were able to publish our story of raising our youngest son on a high functioning sliver of the autism spectrum. As the first student in the school district diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, he became the blunt instrument of change it required but didn’t know it needed.
Each phase of life can be a stepping stone to progress. From the distinct advantage of countless wayfinding steps more than 20 years in the making, we’re now able to tell the tale of our passage. But at the time, we hadn’t a clue to the route, or the fuss we would create.
Words of faith determine the journey’s end before I arrive. In October this year, we celebrated our 45th anniversary. We couldn’t have imagined most of what our lives have become, but we know Who holds our future, and that faith has both carried us through and worked out all things for our good.
Intentional steps bring opportunities that alter destinies. In February, Philip obtained a position as a Research Engineer, after the persevering quest of 7 years and 840 job applications. We helped move him to Webster, NY and unload the truck during a winter squall off Lake Ontario with -10° windchill and near-whiteout conditions!
A strong sense of purpose overrides the pain of fulfilling it. The bold statements in this post come from several of the chapter openings in Stepping Stones: our pathfinding adventure with Asperger’s. In it, we share how we hadn’t planned to be pioneers in an arduous journey—but that’s where we have found love, courage, hope, faith, learning, humor, growth, failure, trial, and triumph—everything that rounds out a life well-lived.
Only by overcoming challenges to my progress do I advance toward it. Stepping Stones is a trail guide of hope for all the parents and caregivers of children who: appear to have advantages, but somehow do not; want to be happy and fit in, but largely cannot; yearn to be treated respectfully, but usually are not.
I affirm the worth of my potential and progress toward a favorable future. Despite advances in diagnoses, therapies and other accommodations, many systemic inequities against the neurodivergent remain to be dismantled. This book introduces the concepts required to continue organizational change. And to all parents and caregivers of children with Autism Spectrum Disorder, this true tale offers pragmatic guidance, self-help encouragement, and real reason for hope.
Ignorance imprisons the mind, but learning liberates the spirit. Philip wrote the last chapter of the book, recounting the life lessons he learned in grad school and in securing a full-time job. He also created the back cover artwork and others in the book. Produced by solving and plotting the results of hundreds of millions of polynomial equations, and then stacked and colorized, he’s named this type of mathematical art “polyplots.”
Sit in peace. Stand on principle. Soar with purpose. Stepping Stones is available in print or ebook through our website timandcarolherd.com, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and other booksellers.
We believe in the message our little memoir contains, and we’re trying to reach as many people as possible. We are available for speaking to groups and for book signings. If you are an active Amazon customer, you can post a review, regardless of where you have purchased the book.
We offer this story of our experience to the great range of parents, caregivers, therapists, and support networks—as well as those who are on the autism spectrum themselves—as our like-missioned, kindred spirits. And we thank you for your support.
Carol and I were very fortunate to meet Temple Grandin last week when she spoke at the National Recreation and Park Association’s Conference in Phoenix.
Dr. Grandin is a gifted animal scientist who has designed one-third of all the livestock-handling facilities in the United States. In 2010, Time Magazine named her one of the 100 most influential people.
She is also autistic and a strong advocate for those who think differently from most of the rest of the world. We have learned from her since our son was first diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome as he entered junior high school.
Temple spoke of her personal experiences navigating life experiences, and about the strength that diversity of perspectives and abilities brings to park planning—as well as all of life.
Her collaboration with the playground design firm Play & Park Structures is one of the first to address the needs of neurodivergent individuals and those with different minds who have different play needs and styles.
