May 2023 – Scene & Herd

Natural elegance!

in the lustrous month of May

A walk in the local park this evening featured many sights and scents of the season. All were found by the side of the walking/biking trail in the natural profusion of a splendid springtime.

I’ve identified them by common name, but you may know them by others, since many have up to a dozen or more aliases. Some of the most noticeable fragrances came from some of the least flashy flowers, like common buckthorn. Some of the most intricate fruiting bodies were found on trees, like the delicate cones of the larch. Some were tiny and low to the ground, like gill-over-the-ground, while others were showy and full of themselves, like the Japanese snowball viburnum.

I also noticed many walkers, bikers, joggers, and happy doggos sharing the route through the park during this grand evening. We were even treated to an authentic garage band (in its garage!) playing 70s tunes for the appreciative listeners in lawn chairs across the street at the park’s perimeter.

There’s lots to appreciate outdoors. Now get out! It does a body (and mind) good!

Brian

my brother, my friend

When we were little, my mom was often asked if Brian and his brother Timmie were twins. No, she’d reply, they’re 20 months apart.

You’d think, with that small a degree of separation, we would have been a lot alike. But, as it frequently happens in siblings, we were quite different in personality, talents and interests. He drove me nuts, and I know I exasperated him.

That’s not to say we didn’t get along, however, because we did. We played together every day, back on the farm (‘course, there weren’t any other playmates our age in sight!)

And we continued to commit acts together through our teens, like the time our parents were away vacationing, and we chopped down (with an axe) an old apple tree in the yard that our dad had casually mentioned that, someday, he’d get rid of. Our Grandma conspired with us to get a man she knew who had a chain saw to cut off the stump even with the ground. We lived on grape juice and sandwiches: I preferred peanut butter and jelly, but Brian made the same every day: mincemeat baloney, cheese and ketchup in white bread.

Our paths diverged more in high school when Brian first experienced hallucinations, and later heard voices, in what was eventually diagnosed as schizophrenia.

As an adult, he battled those same demons, along with depression, anxiety, and unpredictable psychotic episodes in decades of discerning what was truly his reality.

He did take some college courses on writing, which he truly enjoyed, and was an ultimate fan of many old-time movies and science fiction TV shows. And he had a couple of menial jobs, but eventually he could no longer cope well enough to be productive in them.

Under the influence of an arm-length’s list of narcotics to control the nastiness, he often appeared “blank,” without much of a personality. And while there were many long periods of an acceptable status quo, the drugs never cured him, and it became more difficult to determine the cocktail’s exact right proportions to maintain that increasingly slim balance.

But through it all, his mild-mannered personality and good-humored wit would serve him and endear him to those who knew him.

Yet he had more to suffer. On the day of our mother’s 80th birthday party, Brian got lost on a route he knew so well. He drove about the streets of Bethlehem until he ran out of gas, and was able to pull off on a side street to park. Someone asked him if he was ok, and he said no. They called an ambulance for him. There was no room at Muhlenberg Hospital, where he usually went, so they took him to St. Luke’s instead. There, because they didn’t know him, they ran some tests his usual doctors probably wouldn’t have. They found a brain tumor.

Brian celebrated his 50^th birthday with the first of three surgeries to counter the cancer’s terrible, inevitable advance.

Despite the harshness of his life, Brian remained a kind soul who complained only of physical pain, but never his lot in life. See My brother Brian: a victorious tragic life.

He remains my example in patient perseverance, and all-around good guy I wish was still with us. But that’s selfish of me; he’s now free of his lifelong afflictions and I’m glad for him. Today would have been his 65^th birthday. I miss him, my friend, my only brother.

Jerks at Work

Be a positive role model, not a model jerk

I’ve been a fan of Gary Larson’s Far Side cartoons since their start. And this particular one tells me that not only does God love diversity, he’s also got a sense of humor!

Unfortunately, humoring a jerk doesn’t prevent the problems they create. And when you work with a jerk, it’s not just irksome—it can be a major career-disrupter!

Of course, the first, best way to deal with jerks is to be certain you’re not one of them! Many people learn to become jerks at work by mimicking their managers and their coworkers. So the fewer who act like jerks, the less their contagion will spread.

But of course, there are always plenty of jerks to go ‘round. No matter what their role or relationship, you need to know how to manage them for your own (and possibly mutual) benefit. Once you make sure that you have a clear understanding of their questionable behaviors, you can then tailor your response to fit the particular person and situation. Some cases call for swift, direct and assertive action, while others call for more subtlety, patience, and persuasion.

The book Jerks at Work: How to Deal with People Problems and Problem People by Ken Lloyd, is a wonderful resource offering hundreds of real-life workplace questions with practical considerations, suggestions and insights to employ in all sorts of jerk defense and management. Because the author says it all so well, I quote from his introduction and summary:

“Jerks can be present in every aspect of work life, from the first contact in the employment process to the last day on the job, and all points in between. For example, jerks can clearly highlight their presence when conducting job interviews, and in the way they treat new employees. At the same time, there are applicants and new employees who feel compelled to demonstrate that they, too, can act like jerks. With every assignment, task, chore, meeting, project, deadline, objective, and interaction, jerks are always seeking that special opportunity to let everyone know who and what they are.

“In leadership positions, jerks can truly come in into their glory. They can be invisible, omnipresent, inequitable, intransigent, nasty, unfair, unethical—the list goes on and on. And interestingly, jerks as subordinates can be just as outrageous, as can jerks as co-workers.

“One properly placed jerk at virtually any level of an organization can be linked to a vast array of problems that include leadership ineptitude, widespread unfairness, abysmal teamwork, resistance to change, twisted feedback, conflict escalation, pointless meetings, communication breakdowns, employee stagnation, muddled decision-making, inequitable rewards, staff rebelliousness, and a very uncomfortable environment. And as the number of jerks increases, so increases the number of problems.

“Although there are no automatic or canned solutions for the problems jerks create, there are some strategies that can help, provided that every problem is analyzed individually, and specific steps are developed to handle each. With a solid strategy in mind, many actions taken by jerks can be stopped and prevented, or at the very least, avoided.

“There are some key pointers that anyone at any job level should keep in mind in order to be a positive role model, rather than a model jerk:

Treat people with respect and trust.
Listen to what others have to say.
Be fair and honest.
Set positive expectations.
Recognize the value of diversity.
Keep the lines of communication open.
Be a team player.
Keep furthering your education.
Establish realistic plans and goals.
Look for solutions, not just problems.
Try to understand others as individuals.
Give thanks and recognition when due.
Keep quality and service in clear focus.
Encourage innovative and creative thinking.
And most importantly, remember that only a jerk ignores the Golden Rule.”

Invest in yourself and your future. Jerks at Work can arm you with the knowledge and sensitivity to combat jerk behavior in your employers, coworkers, employees—and most importantly, in yourself.

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