Perhaps in anticipation of my impending retirement and “wrapping up” my career at the end of this month, my staff beat me to my office this April Fool’s morning!
More than 40 individual items had been covered with wrapping paper – including my computer monitors, keyboard, mouse, telephone, water bottle, stapler, tissue box, an entire bookcase, the clock on the wall – even a single pen and a random flashdrive among them!
What I will probably miss most on retirement is the hearty camaraderie we enjoy in working hard together. Not only are my coworkers highly skilled, generously collaborative, and terribly efficient, they’ve got a great sense of humor, and I love ‘em!
In the 2024 Iowa caucuses, Donald Trump urged supporters to go vote for him despite a life-threatening cold snap. “You can’t sit home,” he demanded. “Even if you vote and then pass away, it’s worth it.” (reported in The Week, Jan. 26, 2024)
Jerks have a way of making everything about them, without a care for others.
Trouble is, jerks have infested nearly every area of life. Not only do they harm people, they are often contagious, influencing imitators of their poor behaviors. See above.
But to those who are aware that behaviors have consequences, jerks can be great role models—for how NOT to act.
This short list comes from my personal experiences. My purpose in identifying some of the noxious results is to hopefully arrest the actions of potential jerks before they permanently damage other people.
Belittler. He was the VP at Orkin Exterminating, where I worked as a termite inspector salesman, who occasionally attended our daily 7:30 AM sales meetings to “motivate” our salesmanship. “If your customer doesn’t want to buy,” he declared in all seriousness, “you just bring on the tears.” Another time, he publicly belittled our top salesman in front of everyone, to show (I suppose) who was the real Top Dog. Of course, that motivated our guy to move on to other opportunities. After more than 40 years, what I remember most about Mr. VP is his stupidly uncaring arrogance.
• Be a builder of people instead of a demolisher.
Deceiver. When I worked at Kiawah Island Resort, I directed and sang with a small group of interns who performed every Saturday night at the Pig & Oyster Roast. My boss had hired them based on whether they said they could sing. (I was lucky: they could!) But he continually misled them on their working expectations. They, in turned complained to me. I eventually confronted him about his lying, and he broke down and bawled in front of me. I was just 22 years old myself, and didn’t know how to respond to that. What I remember most is his excessive self-boasting to (apparently) cover up his insecurities.
Micromanager. I became one of the first Recycling Coordinators in Pennsylvania when the state law requiring it went into effect, working for the City of Bethlehem. I reported to the head of the City Health Department. Two memorable quotes from his mouth: “Listen, I know more about this than you!” as he berated a citizen over the phone who had questioned him. And in a particularly revealing moment with me, he confided: “I should have been a cop because I like telling people what to do.” To this day, he has been my prime example of the interfering and ineffective micromanager.
• Hire good people, give good guidance, and let them make good for you.
Yeller. I once took up an offer of no rent from a farmer in exchange for feeding his pigs everyday (upwards of 200) and mucking out the stalls on Saturdays. It didn’t take long to discover his unpredictable temper that could explode at any moment. I got screamed at several times a week, mainly for infractions he seemed to make up on the spot. (He reminded me of the temperamental character of Quint in the movie Jaws.) He never apologized, and then carried on as if nothing at all happened. I remember him as a pitiable, angry man who preferred ignorance.
• Get the best of your temper before it brings out the worst in you.
Bully. I sold my business to a nonprofit group that was to pay me over a period of years, but unfortunately didn’t understand the work involved to make it successful. The Board promptly ran it into the ground in 18 months, and then sued me to get out of the agreement. Bullying can be verbal, physical, social, cyber or legal, as in my case; they stiffed me on 90 percent of our agreed sale price. I could have countersued, but the assets no longer existed. I donated the remains of the business in exchange for them dropping the suit. (See Matt. 5:40 for my legal guidance.)
• If you habitually force others to get your way, or to feel better about yourself, seek interventional help.
Such classic jerk behaviors come in many forms. But perhaps the most insidious are those that arise unchecked from within. How many of us have ever been unintentionally rude, sharp, or disrespectful? Disparaging, resentful, or unforgiving? Pushy, flippant, or ungracious? I know I have at times. The jerk resistance movement must start within me.
MasterPoint:Deny the jerk within to prevent its contagion abroad.
Our son, who has autism spectrum disorder (ASD), was often an inadvertent contributor to his problems by his lack of social savvy—but not always. Bullies can rise up anywhere and everywhere. And at any age. (Apparently, bullies never grow up.) They may even take the more insidious and impersonal form of institutional and systemic bias.
Children with physical, developmental, intellectual, emotional, and sensory disabilities often seem to have a prominent “Kick Me” sign on their backs, a seemingly irresistible target for the bullying mindset. Try as our son might to blend in or stay unnoticed, his “marching to a different drummer” routine attracted attention—especially from those kids who judged him ripe for their mocking, harassing, teasing, taunting, badgering, and bullying.
Often, bullies’ exploitive route is through their victims’ lack of peer support. Having friends can prevent and protect against bullying. But children with special needs often fail to make friends, and may have difficulty getting around, trouble communicating and navigating social interactions, or display signs of vulnerability and emotional distress. All of these challenges mark them as “different,” and increase their risk of aggression from bullies.
Stepping Stones: our pathfinding adventure with Asperger’s introduces the concepts required to continue organizational change. And to all parents and caregivers of children with ASD, this true tale offers pragmatic guidance, self-help encouragement, and real reason for hope. tinyurl.com/4c6bxw4s
Meaningful meetups: CNN Chief Medical Correspondent and keynote speaker Dr.Sanjay Gupta spoke on Lessons From the Pandemic and How to Prepare for the Next One, and about the healthiest people in the world, the indigenous Tsimane of the Bolivian rainforest, who take 17,000 steps a day and never sit down.
Dr. Temple Grandin, the world-renown designer of cattle handling systems, professor, best-selling author, and accomplished authority with autism, spoke on Inclusion for All Types of Minds and Bodies in Parks and Recreation. We spoke briefly about Asperger’s Syndrome while she autographed two of her books for me.
After six months of virtual interactive meetings, my mentee and I finally met in person over lunch. Despite holding the senior position in the relationship, I’ve learned a great deal from my new colleague and friend.
Outstanding observations: Phoenix is a good-looking city, surrounded by the barren teeth of spectacular mountains, and boasts a first-class convention center.
Yes, but it’s a dry heat. I quickly learned to walk on the shady side of the street. But scooting across town in a suit after dark in a 98° scorch was ridiculous.
I was invited to pose with some Pennsylvania peers who were recognized among The Best of the Best. And for the second time in my career, I accepted an award for something I didn’t earn. Standing in for the actual winner is an easy gig!
Best takeaway: It’s a fantastic privilege to learn and network with thousands of the best in the business!
the learning legacy of engaging peers in free-spirited, unsupervised outdoor play
Chapman Quarries is the smallest incorporated borough in Pennsylvania, with a population in the 2010 census of 199 people. It’s where my dad’s family was established, and where his dad, granddad, and nearly all his male relatives worked the slate quarries.
While I didn’t grow up in town, that’s where church was and where my cousins and grandparents lived and where I spent a good amount of time. And it was the only place apart from school recess where I was able to freely interact with a lot of other kids outdoors. Three childhood memories tell a connected story:
Ice skating on the dam. The nearby quarries both used and generated a lot of water, and before Hurricane Agnes’ flood broke it in 1972, the dam was an idyllic nook in the woods. All the kids would walk out the back of town down “the dam hill” to amuse ourselves on the frozen lake. (It was a good joke to tell the new preacher about “the dam hill!”) I wasn’t a very good skater and I remember my cousin Judy telling me that I spent more time lying on the ice than skating on it. The older kids would build a bonfire off to the side, and we’d spend the better part of the whole day freezing, thawing, and “just messing around,” as we called it, with never a grown-up in sight.
Skateboarding on Main Street. The town was founded on a great hill after slate deposits were discovered in the 1850s, which brought an influx of hard-working families from Cornwall, Wales and Devon to work the quarries. When the skateboard craze hit some hundred-plus years later, it drew all their young descendants to Main Street with short, metal-wheeled boards to mess around. (Metal wheels were the leftover technology from roller-skates, which took a special key to adjust on your feet. And—let me tell you—roller skating on uneven slate sidewalks just wasn’t even fun!) I remember my cousin Craig telling me I had to get a skateboard with clay wheels—they’d work a lot better and I wouldn’t be spending all that time lying on the concrete than riding atop it. Like sledding, we’d walk to the top of the hill and ride the boards straight down the center of town, pausing only when someone would yell “CAR!” The old folks in town wished we wouldn’t go so fast because they didn’t want to see us get hurt. But no one stopped us.
Swimming in Claude’s Pond. Deep, water-filled Fisher’s Quarry was the destination of choice for the older teen boys to go skinny-dipping and wash up when it was hot. (This had also been the common practice of all the previous generations.) But I had that opportunity only once, living out of town as I did. Instead, my pappy would occasionally drive me and my brother and sister and a couple of cousins to his friend’s farm pond where we’d go wading and swimming and messing around. The older teen boys would drive there themselves and bring a long wooden plank. They’d extend it over the deep end of the pond and secure it with one of their jalopy’s front wheels to create a perfect diving board. The bigger boys allowed me, as a non-swimmer, to take a few turns, and after some tentative jumps into the shallows, I ignored my own caution and jumped out as far as I could. I remember my cousin Robert hauling me out of the water, saying that I shouldn’t spend more time lying on the bottom than floating on the top.
I learned a lot from my cousins. And from going outside and getting involved.
Like mine, most Baby Boomers’ childhoods were characterized by the habitual frequency in which we engaged our peers in free-spirited, unsupervised, outdoor play. It was there that we learned leadership and cooperation in picking teams for a pick-up game, and creative problem-solving in building a treehouse over a creek. We exerted our bodies while managing risk, and stretched our imaginations while messing around. We discovered both ourselves and our places when we pushed our limitations and our possibilities. Our self-development sprung from self-reliance.
A copious body of research now proves what we then knew, but didn’t understand: that social interaction in connection to nature is essential for our physical and mental health and our intellectual and social development. May we extend that legacy to both encourage and enable it with our children—and theirs.
Those who strive to rise through the various levels of organizational leadership must contend with the particular challenges of each successive level to attain the top spot.
The neighborhood playground where I grew up contained a popular multilevel merry-go-round. Mounted above its rotating platform were three higher levels of successively smaller diameter.
The wildest ride was always found on the crowded, lowest level where centrifugal force could fling you out on the grass, where your head could continue to spin. Climbing to the second level where it was less crowded, but where you could grasp the rail, offered an easier go-around. On the third level, where there were even fewer riders, it took only one hand to anchor your soul to the earth while turning in a smaller orbit. But the pinnacle of derring-do was in achieving the post-top of the merry-go-round, where there was room for only one to stand, unassisted by any device, save your own guts, and pivot seven feet in air.
(By today’s safety standards, it was a veritable spinning factory of kid-tested hard knocks—it’s truly a wonder that so many of us survived such childhoods!)
In his excellent book, 5 Levels of Leadership, John Maxwell describes the advantages and challenges of each level of leadership, as well as the beliefs and behaviors that enable the ascendant professional to continue the climb to the pinnacle position. But as that old wooden whirler illustrates, those who strive to rise through the various levels of organizational leadership must contend with the particular challenges of each successive level to attain the top spot.
Can you identify the levels at which you are currently operating? (You won’t be at the same level with every person you lead!) What level do you aspire to?
Level 1. Rights. People follow because they have to. At its lowest level, leadership is a matter of title only, where potential is recognized and some authority is awarded. However, those who rely on their position to force others to follow often wind up devaluing them. Emphasizing rights over responsibilities can strand both the leader and the organization at this lowest level. Because the organization cannot function on a level higher than its leader, the best people bolt for better business elsewhere.
Like the crowded merry-go-round, leadership is difficult at this lowest level, where forces tend to keep both people and priorities unsettled. The astute positional leader, therefore, realizes that rights are not enough, and people, not position, is his or her greatest asset. She must aspire higher!
Level 2. Relationships.People follow because they want to. The leader builds a foundation of relationships that focuses on the value of other people, creating an enjoyable and energetically-charged atmosphere nurturing trust, two-way communication, and possibilities.
Relational leadership eases the wayward pull on the followers, yet the upwardly-mobile leader understands that relationships alone are not enough. He or she must also deliver the goods!
Level 3. Results.People follow because of what you have done for the organization. Productivity brings reality to the vision, momentum to the mission, and credibility to the leader as others clamber aboard for the ride to results. The results-oriented leader helps people define, commit to, and experience the success of the vision.
Although exertion declines as the leader ascends, he or she realizes that productivity is not enough to reach the next level; developing people is where that’s at.
Level 4. Reproduction.People follow because of what you have done for them. Developing people is a distinctly higher level than most leaders reach, but it ensures that organizational growth can be sustained. Because only leaders can develop other leaders, level 4 leaders focus on recruiting, modeling, equipping and empowering their people to succeed as leaders themselves.
Level 5. Respect. People follow because of who you are and what you represent. Pinnacle leaders create a legacy within the organization and extend their vision and influence beyond what they could see on the lowest level. Honing all their skills, they and their followers develop a collective strength equal to the expanded mission.
While it takes considerable time, commitment and growth to rise through each level of leadership, going the other direction can happen very quickly! (As a couple of my old playground pals can attest!) But the time to mount the ascent is now. Assemble your followers, treat them right, teach them well, and together climb!
