Category: Self Development

Information ≠ Transformation

Of what use is knowledge unapplied?

If I learn all truth but do not allow it to change me,

I remain frozen in chosen ignorance.

Potential is realized only in becoming.

Rainbow in the rearview

it’s all about perspective

One rainy day I glimpsed a rainbow in my rearview mirror. And while I don’t recommend taking your eyes off your destination for long, a quick review of where you’ve been in such circumstances can be an encouraging reminder of three fabulous truths.

A rainbow in your rearview means:

•  the storm and its difficulties are behind you. You have survived it. Be grateful, and leave those troubles in the past.

•  you are facing the sun and its clearing skies. You are entering a change in your state of affairs. Be grateful, and embrace the future.

•  there are still beautiful wonders in this beleaguered, woeful world. Be grateful, and enjoy the present.

– from Stepping Stones: our pathfinding adventures with Asperger’s

A trail guide of hope

for parents and caregivers of children with autism

Stepping Stones is a trail guide of hope

for all the parents and caregivers of children

who appear to have advantages, but somehow do not;

who want to be happy and fit in, but largely cannot;

who yearn to be treated respectfully, but usually are not.

See why: tinyurl.com/4c6bxw4s

Spatial giftedness in high-functioning autism

visualizing new perspectives

The mental ability to visualize objects in three-dimensional space, and to imagine them from different perspectives, is a sign of spatial intelligence. This mode of thinking helps explain how our son could never get lost, even in wilderness; and, seemingly without effort, offer up fresh perspectives and solutions on vexing problems. One of his work-related computer programs developed a concise and elegant solution to what had previously been a complex geometrical quandary.

A very practical application of this visualization gift showed up when he was just eight years old. At a family reunion picnic, he most-closely guessed the number of Hershey’s Kisses® in two different sized jars, and won them both!

Our book, Stepping Stones: our pathfinding adventure with Asperger’s  tinyurl.com/4c6bxw4s recounts our son’s troubles and triumphs at home, school, and work, and how he has learned to cope and overcome. Find out how the journey is everything.

Schools as welcoming havens?

not when bullying is tolerated

Our son, who has autism spectrum disorder (ASD), was often an inadvertent contributor to his problems by his lack of social savvy—but not always. Bullies can rise up anywhere and everywhere. And at any age. (Apparently, bullies never grow up.) They may even take the more insidious and impersonal form of institutional and systemic bias.

Children with physical, developmental, intellectual, emotional, and sensory disabilities often seem to have a prominent “Kick Me” sign on their backs, a seemingly irresistible target for the bullying mindset. Try as our son might to blend in or stay unnoticed, his “marching to a different drummer” routine attracted attention—especially from those kids who judged him ripe for their mocking, harassing, teasing, taunting, badgering, and bullying.

Often, bullies’ exploitive route is through their victims’ lack of peer support. Having friends can prevent and protect against bullying. But children with special needs often fail to make friends, and may have difficulty getting around, trouble communicating and navigating social interactions, or display signs of vulnerability and emotional distress. All of these challenges mark them as “different,” and increase their risk of aggression from bullies.

Stepping Stones: our pathfinding adventure with Asperger’s introduces the concepts required to continue organizational change. And to all parents and caregivers of children with ASD, this true tale offers pragmatic guidance, self-help encouragement, and real reason for hope. tinyurl.com/4c6bxw4s

Leadership Qs

for self-examination

What are my leadership aspirations primarily motivated by?

…a sense of duty or obligation?

…a desire for recognition, advancement, or power?

…a tactic to build my image or brand?

Or does it come from a genuine love for others?

Can it be true leadership if I am the one it benefits most?

Love for others is a much more compelling motivation to do what’s best for others than self-interest could ever be.

How deeply do I love those I lead?

The gift of Asperger’s

that both hinders and enables

“One of the exceptional gifts of Asperger’s Syndrome is the ability to perceive an issue from a unique perspective, which can lead to fresh or surprising solutions.” – from Stepping Stones: our pathfinding adventure with Asperger’s.

Despite some very rough times growing up, when our son’s autism spectrum disorder (ASD) hindered his social development, that same gift later enabled his success as a research engineer with a Master’s in physics.

Stepping Stones is the story of the paths we carved while raising a child on the high functioning sliver of the autism spectrum. We offer it as a trail guide of hope for all parents and caregivers of children with ASD.

We are offering a free ebook copy (pdf or epub) to all who leave a message of “book” with an email address. (See contact page.) All we ask is that you provide an honest review on Amazon when finished reading it. We wish all the best in their daily challenges!

The image shown comes from the book’s back cover. It was created by our son by plotting the solutions of millions of polynomial equations on the complex plane, and stacking and colorizing the result.

Comparison and accountability

I have now lived just as long as Leonardo Da Vinci, and longer than Walt Disney, Abraham Lincoln, Marie Curie, Martin Luther King Jr, Jim Henson, C.S. Lewis, and so many other accomplished men and women I admire—and I can’t help comparing what I’ve done with my life to date.

But that’s not what I should be measuring, is it? I may not have produced a similar depth and breadth of accomplishments, but…

Have I nurtured my own gifts and talents?

Have I well-stewarded the resources I’ve been accountable for?

Have I contributed my best to my tasks, responsibilities, goals, and dreams?

Is my conscience clean, despite my failures, mistakes and shortcomings?

Have I extended grace to those who have disappointed or wronged me?

Have I been a positive influence to those who know me?

Have I loved my family to the utmost, and lived my life with integrity?

If so, I’m ok with that.

And any comparisons with others’ accomplishments are useless.

Reading Roundup 2023

The most impactful book to me in 2023 was one I wrote with my wife Carol and our youngest son. Stepping Stones: our pathfinding adventures with Asperger’s is our growth journey from accepting “that’s just Philip,” to obtaining a diagnosis on the autism spectrum, to learning how to cope and still succeed. From the distinct advantage of countless wayfinding steps more than 20 years in the making, we offer pragmatic guidance, self-help encouragement, and real reason for hope to all parents and caregivers of children with autism spectrum disorder. tinyurl.com/4c6bxw4s

I try to read widely, for both intellectual development and entertainment. Not all my choices pertain directly to my work, or even my personal interests. Restricted Data: The History of Nuclear Secrecy in the United States, recommended to me by my physicist son, wasn’t one I’d have chosen on my own, but it did augment what I learned from the Oppenheimer film this year. Even fiction, when it represents a divergent point of view, can add to my useful stores of knowledge. Ilana’s Love, a book by my friend (which, despite the inference from its title is not a romance novel—a genre I usually do ignore!), furnished a thought-provoking perspective on relationships.

I re-read all 4,100 pages of the 7-volume Harry Potter series, (the first published 26 years ago!) enjoying many details and nuances not found in the films. J.K. Rowling is a master of originality, dialog, character development, and plot complexities.

Is it just me, or are subtitles are getting longer all the time? But then there’s John Grisham, whose obviously successful title formula is: “The __.” Nonetheless, the subtitles do help me better remember the content afterward.

The complete list of those I’ve read last year follows, but here are my personal citations for those I’ve found most captivating, memorable, or practical in the following categories:

Work-related: Herding Tigers: Be the Leader That Creative People Need
Biography: Leonardo da Vinci
History: The Klondike Fever: The Life and Death of the Last Great Gold Rush
Science: An Immense World: How Animal Senses Reveal the Hidden Realms Around Us
Nonfiction: Miracle in the Andes: 72 Days on the Mountain and My Long Trek Home
Business: Ice Cream Social: The Struggle for the Soul of Ben & Jerry’s
Spiritual: Experiencing God Day by Day
Fiction: What Rose Forgot, and The Man Who Died Twice

  1. Vanishing Grace: What Ever Happened to the Good News?, Philip Yancy
  2. Storytizing: What’s Next After Advertising? Bob Pearson
  3. The Klondike Fever: The Life and Death of the Last Great Gold Rush, Pierre Berton
  4. The Freedom of Self-Forgiveness: The Path to True Christian Joy, Timothy Keller
  5. A Wild Idea: How the Environmental Movement Tamed the Adirondacks, Brad Edmundson
  6. Black Ice, Brad Thor
  7. The Case For Easter: A Journalist Investigates the Evidence for the Resurrection, Lee Strobel
  8. The Cabinet of Dr. Leng, Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child
  9. Seeing Red, Sandra Brown
  10. Jerks at Work: How to Deal with People Problems and Problem People, Ken Lloyd
  11. Born a Yankee, Grace Carstens
  12. Missing Witness, Gordon Campbell
  13. Ilana’s Love, Laurel West
  14. Relic, Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child
  15. Alive: The Story of the Andes Survivors, Piers Paul Read
  16. Miracle in the Andes: 72 Days on the Mountain and My Long Trek Home, Nando Parrado with Vince Rause
  17. The Book of Lies, Brad Meltzner
  18. The Measure of All Things: The Seven-Year Odyssey and Hidden Error That Transformed the World, Ken Alder
  19. Sea of Tranquility, Emily St. John Mandel
  20. Reliquary, Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child
  21. What Rose Forgot, Nevada Barr
  22. Ice Cream Social: The Struggle for the Soul of Ben & Jerry’s, Brad Edmundson
  23. The Book of Fate, Brad Meltzner
  24. Once Upon a Wardrobe, Patti Callahan
  25. Becoming Mrs. Lewis, Patti Callahan
  26. What’s Wrong With Me? A Journal of Emotional Healing in a Broken World, Royce Alan Alford
  27. Leonardo da Vinci, Wallter Isaacson
  28. Stepping Stones: Our pathfinding adventure with Asperger’s, Tim and Carol Herd with Philip Herd
  29. An Immense World: How Animal Senses Reveal the Hidden Realms Around Us, Ed Yong
  30. The Outermost House: A Year of Life on the Great Beach of Cape Cod, Henry Beston
  31. 13½, Nevada Barr
  32. Love Me, Garrison Keillor
  33. Restricted Data: The History of Nuclear Secrecy in the United States, Alex Wellerstein
  34. Address Unknown, Katherine Kressman Taylor
  35. Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore, Robin Sloan
  36. The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, John Mark Comer
  37. The Judge’s List, John Grisham
  38. The Troop, Nick Cutter
  39. The Whistler, John Grisham
  40. The Reckoning, John Grisham
  41. What Was Rescued, Jane Bailey
  42. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, J.K. Rowling
  43. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, J.K. Rowling
  44. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, J.K. Rowling
  45. Molly’s Pilgrim, Barba Cohen
  46. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, J.K. Rowling
  47. The Bullet That Missed, Richard Osman
  48. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, J.K. Rowling
  49. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, J.K. Rowling
  50. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, J.K. Rowling
  51. Getting Through the Tough Stuff: It’s Always Something, Charles Swindoll
  52. Herding Tigers: Be the Leader That Creative People Need, Todd Henry
  53. The Man Who Died Twice, Richard Osman
  54. Experiencing God Day by Day, Henry Blackaby and Richard Blackaby

Stepping Stones

our pathfinding adventure with Asperger’s

Supportive relationships bring vitality to reality.
We are very grateful to our friends and family who have stood by us during some of our most challenging times. This year, we were able to publish our story of raising our youngest son on a high functioning sliver of the autism spectrum. As the first student in the school district diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, he became the blunt instrument of change it required but didn’t know it needed.

Each phase of life can be a stepping stone to progress.
From the distinct advantage of countless wayfinding steps more than 20 years in the making, we’re now able to tell the tale of our passage. But at the time, we hadn’t a clue to the route, or the fuss we would create.

Words of faith determine the journey’s end before I arrive.
In October this year, we celebrated our 45th anniversary. We couldn’t have imagined most of what our lives have become, but we know Who holds our future, and that faith has both carried us through and worked out all things for our good.

Intentional steps bring opportunities that alter destinies.
In February, Philip obtained a position as a Research Engineer, after the persevering quest of 7 years and 840 job applications. We helped move him to Webster, NY and unload the truck during a winter squall off Lake Ontario with -10° windchill and near-whiteout conditions!

A strong sense of purpose overrides the pain of fulfilling it.
The bold statements in this post come from several of the chapter openings in Stepping Stones: our pathfinding adventure with Asperger’s. In it, we share how we hadn’t planned to be pioneers in an arduous journey—but that’s where we have found love, courage, hope, faith, learning, humor, growth, failure, trial, and triumph—everything that rounds out a life well-lived.

Only by overcoming challenges to my progress do I advance toward it.
Stepping Stones is a trail guide of hope for all the parents and caregivers of children who: appear to have advantages, but somehow do not; want to be happy and fit in, but largely cannot; yearn to be treated respectfully, but usually are not.

I affirm the worth of my potential and progress toward a favorable future.
Despite advances in diagnoses, therapies and other accommodations, many systemic inequities against the neurodivergent remain to be dismantled. This book introduces the concepts required to continue organizational change. And to all parents and caregivers of children with Autism Spectrum Disorder, this true tale offers pragmatic guidance, self-help encouragement, and real reason for hope.

Ignorance imprisons the mind, but learning liberates the spirit.
Philip wrote the last chapter of the book, recounting the life lessons he learned in grad school and in securing a full-time job. He also created the back cover artwork and others in the book. Produced by solving and plotting the results of hundreds of millions of polynomial equations, and then stacked and colorized, he’s named this type of mathematical art “polyplots.”

Sit in peace. Stand on principle. Soar with purpose.
Stepping Stones is available in print or ebook through our website timandcarolherd.com, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and other booksellers.

We believe in the message our little memoir contains, and we’re trying to reach as many people as possible. We are available for speaking to groups and for book signings. If you are an active Amazon customer, you can post a review, regardless of where you have purchased the book.

We offer this story of our experience to the great range of parents, caregivers, therapists, and support networks—as well as those who are on the autism spectrum themselves—as our like-missioned, kindred spirits. And we thank you for your support.