I have now lived just as long as Leonardo Da Vinci, and longer than Walt Disney, Abraham Lincoln, Marie Curie, Martin Luther King Jr, Jim Henson, C.S. Lewis, and so many other accomplished men and women I admire—and I can’t help comparing what I’ve done with my life to date.
But that’s not what I should be measuring, is it? I may not have produced a similar depth and breadth of accomplishments, but…
Have I nurtured my own gifts and talents?
Have I well-stewarded the resources I’ve been accountable for?
Have I contributed my best to my tasks, responsibilities, goals, and dreams?
Is my conscience clean, despite my failures, mistakes and shortcomings?
Have I extended grace to those who have disappointed or wronged me?
Have I been a positive influence to those who know me?
Have I loved my family to the utmost, and lived my life with integrity?
If so, I’m ok with that.
And any comparisons with others’ accomplishments are useless.
Supportive relationships bring vitality to reality. We are very grateful to our friends and family who have stood by us during some of our most challenging times. This year, we were able to publish our story of raising our youngest son on a high functioning sliver of the autism spectrum. As the first student in the school district diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, he became the blunt instrument of change it required but didn’t know it needed.
Each phase of life can be a stepping stone to progress. From the distinct advantage of countless wayfinding steps more than 20 years in the making, we’re now able to tell the tale of our passage. But at the time, we hadn’t a clue to the route, or the fuss we would create.
Words of faith determine the journey’s end before I arrive. In October this year, we celebrated our 45th anniversary. We couldn’t have imagined most of what our lives have become, but we know Who holds our future, and that faith has both carried us through and worked out all things for our good.
Intentional steps bring opportunities that alter destinies. In February, Philip obtained a position as a Research Engineer, after the persevering quest of 7 years and 840 job applications. We helped move him to Webster, NY and unload the truck during a winter squall off Lake Ontario with -10° windchill and near-whiteout conditions!
A strong sense of purpose overrides the pain of fulfilling it. The bold statements in this post come from several of the chapter openings in Stepping Stones: our pathfinding adventure with Asperger’s. In it, we share how we hadn’t planned to be pioneers in an arduous journey—but that’s where we have found love, courage, hope, faith, learning, humor, growth, failure, trial, and triumph—everything that rounds out a life well-lived.
Only by overcoming challenges to my progress do I advance toward it. Stepping Stones is a trail guide of hope for all the parents and caregivers of children who: appear to have advantages, but somehow do not; want to be happy and fit in, but largely cannot; yearn to be treated respectfully, but usually are not.
I affirm the worth of my potential and progress toward a favorable future. Despite advances in diagnoses, therapies and other accommodations, many systemic inequities against the neurodivergent remain to be dismantled. This book introduces the concepts required to continue organizational change. And to all parents and caregivers of children with Autism Spectrum Disorder, this true tale offers pragmatic guidance, self-help encouragement, and real reason for hope.
Ignorance imprisons the mind, but learning liberates the spirit. Philip wrote the last chapter of the book, recounting the life lessons he learned in grad school and in securing a full-time job. He also created the back cover artwork and others in the book. Produced by solving and plotting the results of hundreds of millions of polynomial equations, and then stacked and colorized, he’s named this type of mathematical art “polyplots.”
Sit in peace. Stand on principle. Soar with purpose. Stepping Stones is available in print or ebook through our website timandcarolherd.com, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and other booksellers.
We believe in the message our little memoir contains, and we’re trying to reach as many people as possible. We are available for speaking to groups and for book signings. If you are an active Amazon customer, you can post a review, regardless of where you have purchased the book.
We offer this story of our experience to the great range of parents, caregivers, therapists, and support networks—as well as those who are on the autism spectrum themselves—as our like-missioned, kindred spirits. And we thank you for your support.
It’s been ten years since I resigned my job to keep my integrity, spent 17 months unemployed, and lost all my money.
And I still don’t regret it.
At the time, I was the chief executive to lead and administer my organization’s comprehensive operations. But a pattern of destabilizing behavior by the Board chair undermined my authority and community relations, unsettled two organizations, hindered the ability to attract and keep good associates—and ultimately severed the trust between us.
Without recounting the agonizing year-long details, I can report that my choices narrowed to two: I could defer to the Chair’s autocratic takeover and abandon my responsibilities, my conscience, and my integrity; or I could resign to keep what was truly in my control.
Because I resigned, I was not eligible for unemployment compensation. And at age 57, I discovered ageism first-hand as I applied unsuccessfully for more than 45 positions over the next 17 months, for which I was well-qualified.
It was truly a hard time.
But as I’ve learned, “Hard is ok.” Hard times are prime growth times—but only if I so choose. My attitude and my decisions remain within my exclusive control (unlike my circumstances!), and do inevitably influence my eventual outcomes.
What I confirmed is that my character is refined in crucibles, and my resilience ripens in distresses—but only when I sustain my faith in a better future.
Do I regret having to go through this? I am sorry it happened.
However, for its surpassing opportunities and eventual superior future, I am very grateful for the experience.
the far-reaching scope of his influence and leadership
I was very pleased to attend an informal gathering with a few former coworkers yesterday to honor our former boss Bob Shay, who was recently awarded a well-deserved Lifetime Achievement Award from the Alliance for New Jersey Environmental Education. What follows is an excerpt from my letter of support for his award nomination.
My fond and personal affiliation with Bob reaches back 44 years. Then-Senior Naturalist Bob was instrumental in hiring me as a very green (inexperienced!) environmental educator at the Somerset County Park Commission’s Environmental Education Center, and mentoring me in such a way that has deeply influenced the arc and success of my career ever since.
In 1986, Bob was promoted to Director of Natural Resources with the responsibility of coordinating activities of three Departments until 1995: Park Rangers, Horticulture, and Natural Environmental Sciences. He then headed Land Acquisition until his retirement in 1998. He’s authored three poetry books, and is working on a fourth, with many poems based on his observations and thoughts related to the natural world.
I started my career in environmental education without the traditional educational background. I believe Bob saw more potential in me than in my preparation, and chose to invest himself in my professional development. The foundation I built under Bob’s instruction and supervision not only skilled me in behavioral objectives, environmental education techniques, and the application of scientific principles; but also in such invaluable life skills as professional ethics, interpersonal communication, advocacy and public education, and organizational and community leadership.
The top tier of leadership in any profession is achieved when a leader develops other leaders, who in turn multiply the influence to an increasingly diverse audience. In our case: to nurture environmental awareness, grow understanding of the underlying issues, and raise motivation toward actions to solve the environmental and human problems facing our modern society. This very well describes Bob’s lifetime achievement. I submit myself as just one example of his professional reproduction.
From Bob’s competent mentoring, and his professional and personal friendship, his guidance set me on a career trajectory that extended the principles I learned and practiced under Bob to hundreds of thousands of people. I brought his knowledge to my later positions and in producing the master development plans for other environmental education centers.
I incorporated Bob’s environmental education principles when I founded The Roving Nature Center, America’s first fully mobile environmental education facility—bringing the resources, equipment and staff to any indoor or outdoor site throughout the mid-Atlantic and northeastern states. Bob deserves derivative credit when The RNC was nationally recognized by the Take Pride in America Campaign for “commitment and exceptional contribution to the stewardship of America’s natural and cultural resources.”
And I do not exaggerate to affirm that Bob’s influence stuck with me even to my current statewide responsibilities as CEO of the principal professional member association for those who work in parks and recreation. I serve on a number of national-level Boards and committees, and even there, I carry forward the personal and professional skills I learned from Bob’s example.
I do not describe my accomplishments here to boast, (which were certainly achieved with the cooperative assistance of many other skillful, talented, and united colleagues), but to draw the detectable lines demonstrating the far-reaching and long-lasting scope of Bob Shay’s influence and leadership in the environmental education profession. And I know there are many others like me who have extended his impactful example far and wide.
I am a product of Bob’s professionalism and a proud conveyor of his legacy. I enthusiastically recommend his nomination for consideration for the Patricia Kane Lifetime Achievement Award.
One of the roles of my job is to host an annual statewide conference for the professional development and networking of our members. This year’s production took place last month in Hershey, Pennsylvania, where we were gratified to see our attendance reach our normal pre-covid levels (and distribute a staggering amount of chocolate!). As usual, the conference was the culmination of a year’s worth of planning and preparations, and resulted in a productive, but intense time of collegial sharing and learning. By its completion, I was completely “talked-out” and need some quiet, recuperative, alone time.
So after we’d packed up our materials to head home, I took a side trip by myself to The Hershey Story Museum on downtown’s Chocolate Avenue. (Yes—downtown Hershey’s streetlamps are fashioned like the iconic Hershey Kisses!) Fortunately, the museum wasn’t crowded at that time, and afforded me a couple of hours to leisurely stroll through the exhibits, communing, but not conversing.
Some years ago, I had read an excellent biography on Hershey, and learned a good bit about his life, and extrapolated some character- and business-building lessons for my own edification. See this Sweet Inspirations! blog post.
The Museum really does its founder well. Its interactive, engaging, fun, and modern exhibits depict the comprehensive story of Milton S. Hershey’s life and the history of his picturesque, namesake town.
As an 8-yr-old Cub Scout, I remember touring the original chocolate factory, and witnessing the actual transformation of cocoa into chocolate before my seeing, smelling and tasting senses! Alas, the days of tourists in the actual factory, however, are long-gone; although its modern accommodation is a Disney-esque ride through Hershey’s Chocolate World—complete with strolling Hershey bar characters, swooshing of liquid “chocolate,” and singing animatronic cows, before depositing you in a chock-filled candy and merchandise gift shop.)
The Museum was all I needed at that moment: Peaceful. Engaging. Reflective. Unhurried. I enjoyed viewing the machinery used at the original factory, the interactive displays, the stories of the early business failures and successes, and the images and artifacts from the founding of a bit of utopia in the fertile farmlands of 1903.
Like other industrialists of his era, Milton Hershey envisioned his company town as a model enclave, removed from the influences of the big city. But he brought a more beneficent corporate paternalism to his project than many of his contemporaries. A sign above his desk read, “Business is a Matter of Human Service,” which he apparently took to heart.
Spending lavishly on the town, he provided well-equipped houses for workers to buy, free education through a junior college, and even an amusement park and a zoo. I learned from the museum, that he encouraged his workers to start their own businesses, even if they competed against him. One H.B. Reese, who worked in the Hershey dairy farm, took him up on the idea, and independently created and sold Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups from just down the street, using Hershey chocolate in his confections. Forty years later in 1963, his sons amicably sold the business to The Hershey Company.
Before I left the museum for my long drive home, I enjoyed a well-made Reuben sandwich from the in-house Lisa’s Café, savoring the peaceful atmosphere surrounding several jobs well-done.
and how we can use it to improve ourselves and those around us
Whenever I’ve talked about the need for critical thinking, I’ve noticed that those who need it most are usually the ones who agree most—but for other people!
Maybe this stems from our volatile society, but our collective exasperation (outrage?) at others’ points of view is certainly exacerbated by a lack of critical thinking by all parties.
I don’t consider myself a master critical thinker, but at least I can see how most political ads break every rule of sound and fair reasoning. (Of course, their purpose is to vilify opponents with innuendo, appeals to irrational fears, outright lies, distortions and half-truths; and a creative lack of depth, breadth, clarity or fairness. For that, they do a pretty consistent job—however unprincipled!)
But let’s start with clarity.
What critical thinking is not: using a judgmental spirit to find fault, assign blame, cancel, or censure.
What critical thinking is: using a disciplined thought process to discern what is clear, rational, open-minded, and informed by evidence.
After all, we are what we think. Our attitudes, feelings, words, and actions are all determined by the quality of our thinking. Unrealistic thinking leads to disappointment; pessimistic thinking spurns joy; practical thinking builds productivity; grateful thinking grows appreciation; and affirmative thinking leads to possibilities and opportunities.
Our brains do a pretty good job in identifying patterns and fixed procedures that require minimal consideration. It allows us to function efficiently in familiar zones and predictable routines. And hardwired in all of us is a prioritized egocentric core to protect our personal interests. But increasingly, our progressively diverse world and its unrelenting pace of change requires analytical thinking that is more vigorous, more complex, more adaptable, and more sensitive to divergent views—if we are not to degenerate into the dystopian futures of our movies!
That kind of elevated thinking is reasoning, which draws conclusions about what we know, or can discover, about anything. To reason well, we must intentionally process the information we receive. What are we trying to understand? What is its purpose? How can we check its accuracy? Do we have a limited, shaded, or jaded point of view? What is fact, what is evidence, and what is interpretation? What is the question or problem we are trying to solve? What assumptions are in our inherent biases, and how can we move away from them? What are the ultimate implications or consequences?
Our reasoning, therefore, needs standards with which to measure, compare and contrast all the bits of information in order to come to a meaningful and fair conclusion. Such intellectual standards include clarity, precision, accuracy, significance, relevance, logicalness, fairness, breadth and depth.
In the absence of these reasoning standards, we default to our self-centeredness, which inevitably leads to gnashing of teeth, biased irrationality, and social regrets. But when we vigorously apply these standards, we develop a capacity for fairmindedness, rational action, and healthy societies. This intellectual clash for the mastery of our own minds frames two incompatible ends:
Here is a starter set of questions for better thinking and reasoning, drawn from the critically acclaimed book Critical Thinking, by Richard Paul and Linda Elder:
Clarity: Could you elaborate or give an example?
Precision: Could you be more specific?
Accuracy: How can we verify or test that?
Significance: Which of these facts are most important?
Relevance: How does that relate to, or help with the issue?
Fairness: Are my assumptions supported by evidence? Is my thinking justifiable in context?
Logicalness: Does what you say follow from the evidence?
Depth: What are some of the complexities of this issue?
Informed reasoning leads to better self-management, better understanding and relationships between people and groups—and ultimately, a better, more cooperative society. And let it begin with me.
I have a standing personal rule: Always Bring a Book!
Whenever I break it, I’m inevitably sorry.
Books are important to me: in them I find distilled wisdom, practical instruction, and engrossing entertainment. They customize my intellectual, psychological, and spiritual development; they build my technical and relational capabilities; they expand my leadership and service; they refresh my mind and spirit.
In 2022, my wife, son and I wrote a book about the challenges, lessons and adventures in raising our youngest son with Asperger’s Syndrome, which will be published this coming year.
I try to read widely. Not all my choices pertain directly to my job, or my personal interests. Invisible Women opened my eyes and mind to systemic male-based data bias. Even fiction, when it represents a divergent point of view, can add to my useful stores of knowledge. Case in point for this year: The Personal Librarian, based on the true story of a black woman passing as a white woman in the employ of J.P. Morgan in the early 1900s.
The complete list follows, but here are my personal citations for those I’ve found most captivating, memorable, or practical in the following categories:
Work-related:CEO Excellence; Critical Thinking; Extreme Ownership Biography: Frederick Douglass; An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth History: The First Conspiracy: The Plot to Kill George Washington Iconic/Classic:Travels with Charley in Search of America Fiction:Where the Crawdads Sing; West With Giraffes; The Personal Librarian Science:Humble Pi; Brilliant Maps for Curious Minds Societal:Invisible Women; Untrustworthy Thriller:Boar Island Humor:The Definitive Biography of P.D.Q. Bach Spiritual: The Hole in Our Gospel by personal friends:Super Powers and Secrets; Crushed and Marred; Stand; People Connectors
Creativity, Inc: Overcoming the Unseen Forces that Stand in the Way of True Inspiration, Ed Catmull
Humble Pi: When Math Goes Wrong in the Real World, Matt Parker
Super Powers and Secrets: A Year of Holidays, H. Kaeppel
Crushed and Marred: A Year of Milestones, H. Kaepple
Stand: A Year of Firsts, H. Kaeppel
The Itty Bitty Book of Nonprofit Fundraising, Jayme Dingler
The Insanity of God: A True Story of Faith Resurrected, Nik Ripken
Golden Girl, Elin Hilderbrand
Flashback, Nevada Barr
Trees & Forests of America, Tim Palmer
Frederick Douglass: Prophet of Freedom, David W. Blight
Sold on a Monday, Kristina McMorris
The Hole in Our Gospel, Richard Stearns
Surely You’re Joking, Mr. Feynman! Adventures of a Curious Character, Richard P. Feynman
The Gift of Asperger’s: One Family’s Persevering Adventure of Hope, Humor, Insight and Inspiration, Tim Herd, Carol Herd, and Philip Herd
A Time for Mercy, John Grisham
Historic Acadia National Park: The Stories Behind One of America’s Great Treasures, Catherine Schmidt
Brilliant Maps for Curious Minds: 100 New Ways to See the World, Ian Wright
Girl Behind the Red Rope, Ted Dekker and Rachelle Dekker
Tesla: Inventor of the Electrical Age, W. Bernard Carlson
The Escape Artist, Brad Melzner
People Connectors: Elevating Communication for Educators, Terry Sumerlin
The First Conspiracy: The Secret Plot to Kill George Washington, Brad Meltzner and Josh Mensch
We Seven, by the Astronauts Themselves, Carpenter, Cooper, Glenn, Grissom, Schirra, Shepard, Slayton
What Happened to the Bennetts, Lisa Scottoline
The Definitive Biography of P.D.Q. Bach, Professor Peter Schickele
Wait, What? And Life’s Other Essential Questions, James Ryan
High Country, Nevada Barr
Hard Truth, Nevada Barr
Eight Days in May: The Final Collapse of the Third Reich, Volker Ullrich
Endangered Species, Nevada Barr
An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth: What Going to Space Taught Me About Ingenuity, Determination, and Being Prepared for Everything, Col. Chris Hadfield
Blind Descent, Nevada Barr
Immanuel’s Veins, Ted Dekker
Thinking Like Your Editor: How to Write Great Serious Nonfiction – and Get it Published, Susan Rabiner and Alfred Fortunato
Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men, Caroline Criado Perez
The Lost Key, Catherine Coulter and J.T. Ellison
Burn, Ted Dekker and Erin Healy
The Whole Town’s Talking, Fannie Flagg
Acadia National Park, Bob Thayer
Where the Crawdads Sing, Delia Owens
CEO Excellence: The Six Mindsets That Distinguish the Best Leaders From the Rest, Carolyn Dewar, Scott Keller, and Vikram Malhotra
Burn, Nevada Barr
The Murder of King Tut, James Patterson and Martin Dugard
Thinking in Pictures: My Life With Autism, Temple Grandin
Calling All Minds: How to Think and Create Like and Inventor, Temple Grandin
The Life You’ve Always Wanted: Spiritual Disciplines for Ordinary People, John Ortberg
Boar Island, Nevada Barr
Critical Thinking: Tools for Taking Charge of Your Professional and Personal Life, Richard Paul and Linda Elder
The Rope, Nevada Barr
A Man Called Ova, Fredrik Backman
The Personal Librarian, Marie Benedict and Victoria Christopher Murray
Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALS Lead and Win, Jocko Willink and Leif Babin
Untrustworthy: The Knowledge Crisis Breaking Our Brains, Polluting Our Politics, and Corrupting Christian Community, Bonnie Kristian
Send: Living a Life That Invites Others to Jesus, Heather Holleman and Ashley Holleman
West With Giraffes, Lynda Rutledge
Dr. Rick Will See You Now: A Guide to Unbecoming Your Parents, Dr. Rick
Travels With Charley in Search of America, John Steinbeck
Sweet! The Hershey Company is the largest producer of chocolate in North America and a global leader in chocolate and sugar confectionery. With revenues of more than $6.6 billion in 2012, Hershey offers much-loved products under more than 80 brand names, including such iconic brands as Hershey’s, Reese’s, Kit Kat, Twizzlers and Jolly Rancher.
But the industry giant started inauspiciously enough with a rural farm boy lacking a formal education who apprenticed to a Lancaster, Pennsylvania candy maker. Milton S. Hershey went on to become not only one of America’s wealthiest individuals, but also a successful entrepreneur whose products are known the world over, a visionary builder of the town that bears his name and a philanthropist whose open-hearted generosity continues to touch the lives of thousands.
I recently enjoyed reading a biography of this intriguing man (Hershey: Milton S. Hershey’s Extraordinary Life of Wealth, Empire, and Utopian Dreams, by Michael D’Antonio). Here are a couple of exemplary lessons from his life for our mutual inspiration:
Persistent Improver. As a young entrepreneur, Milton Hershey failed repeatedly as a candy maker in Lancaster, Philadelphia, Denver, Chicago and New York City. After 14 years, he returned home to Lancaster and started over once again, this time improving on a recipe for caramels he learned in Colorado. His successful Lancaster Caramel Company became an early model for production line methods that Henry Ford later perfected.
Risk-Taker and Self-Believer. After selling the caramel company to a competitor for $1 million in 1900, he invested all his energies in developing a new concoction then finding favor in Europe: milk chocolate. Without even knowing how to produce a marketable milk chocolate recipe or a process for a stable and consistent chocolate bar, he bought the necessary equipment and began construction on a new factory.
Fearless Experimenter. Even after he was very wealthy and successful, Milton remained a tinkerer, always on the lookout for new products and productivity. But he was never afraid to fail in his open-minded experiments—like his ill-fated attempts to boost vitamins in his chocolate by mixing in turnips, parsley, beets, and even celery! Nor did he complain of the costs associated with such experiments.
Foresighted Planner and Builder. As a social progressive who transformed his philosophies into realities, he constructed a company town for his workers that thrived devoid of problems associated with other utopian enterprises of the times. The picturesque settlement of 14,000 residents today takes pride in its uniquely attractive design, and the livability and lifestyle it affords. Dubbed “The Sweetest Place on Earth,” its other popular attractions include Hersheypark, Hersheypark Stadium, ZooAmerica, Hershey Gardens, as well as the Penn State Hershey Medical Center.
Visionary Provider. Unable with this wife Catherine to have children of their own, Milton founded a school for orphan boys in 1909, and later donated his entire fortune to a foundation to administer the school. Today, with assets of more than $10 billion (more than that of most universities!), the coeducational school provides a free world-class education, as well as meals, clothing, a nurturing home, health care, counseling and career training to nearly 2,000 children in social and financial need.
MasterPoint:Dream Big. Try Big. Live Big. Leave Big.
